This morning was okay.
Yesterday I didn’t do very much work to be completely honest. I’ve become a bit depressed as I want to badly to work on Mr Rex but can’t. Perhaps I need to allow myself to work on Mr Rex for 4 hours each morning and then 4 hours on my other projects, just so I can get that Mr Rex bug out of me. I dunno.
I did write basically the rough outline for the remainder of the story of Mr Rex after the Obapreed Arc (Ep16+). It has a fairly satisfying conclusion that is actually quite different from the story up to that point. I makes the story feel quite well rounded. I do now only need to write the story from here to get all the plot points, twists and turns. In terms of the actual game I feel like I’m way far behind where I want to be, I want the Obapreed arc to be over now so I can get to this new exciting part of the story. Creation is a spontaneous process and that can be annoying sometimes if you have deadlines and a schedule you’re trying to stick to. I think it just has to be embraced at least a little, in so much as it’s useful.
Yesterday I once again found myself in a drama situation where I’m being excluded from communities because I didn’t conform enough. Typical, no matter where I go, people are stupid and think they’re smarter than everyone else. It’s getting annoying being deliberately open minded, asking questions, wanting honest feedback, wanting to improve and understand and almost NEVER getting any of these traits from other people. Most people are Egoic, closed minded, dogmatic, homeostatic, self-righteous and deliberately misunderstanding. It’s times like this where I really rescent humanity, what separates people from animals? I don’t talk about niches, races or sex in this context, wherever I go, it’s always the same. Humans are just animals with too much power. Animals perhaps are better in my personal experience as they’re not tied to lockstep propaganda learning the way many humans are, aka they’re more uncorruptable by complex deceptions. There are fewer layers to animals and this simplicity makes them easier to deal with, at least for me personally.
It’s this situation where I find myself feeling very alone and need companionship as well as to develop my will and discipline. I’ve been thinking about the future and things look like they’re going to get dark. I have a limited window of opportunity, I must act soon or I will miss it. I must create my story and live a virteous life in spite of the horrifying adversity and dread that exists. I want to start a podcast, I know who I want to do it with and who I want to invite. I just need to act on it and build the habit, week by week.
Thinking aloud, I think I need to extend my morning walk. 30 minutes just isn’t enough, I need more walk/exercise time. 2 hours if I can. Something that isn’t a low bar. The 30 minutes is something I can fall back on in hard times rather than what I simply do.
I was also talking to a very talented animator girl on a dating site yesterday, unfortunately her twitter was exactly what you’d expect from a lockstep zombie. She would passionately parrot all the talking points that the propaganda feeds her. I have compassion for these people, they truly have no idea they’re in a cult. I always get kicked out of cults because I’m not so easily manipulated but people who learn in lockstep, these people are so vulnerable to manipulation. Trickery and Fallacious reasoning is so naked and transparent to me, but that’s only because I knew the press and perception was not skin deep and have studied these concepts in depth. (aka, I was aware of my own ignorance and would always take propaganda as incomplete information and therefore not become emotionally invested in it until I have surplus knowledge from as many radical alternative perspectives as possible. With this surplus I can through reason and logic, find out where the truth lies. Most people are too lazy to do this and merely find a source to trust and associate with.). If only these people knew the money, lies and malice behind the propaganda they trust blindly. They love getting approval and validation, feeling like the hero and not seeing what’s beneath the surface.
This is perhaps the big tragedy of me. I am compassionate and open minded yet I know I’ll never get any of it back from other people. I find myself in a situation of perpetual torment, I’m lonely and become depressed because my gut tells me I have nothing in common with other people, in order to get out of my rut I have to embrace a naive optimism and end up getting really hurt when I am perpetually dissapointed with humanity. It’s circular reasoning of course I am aware but I’m not quite sure how to break it.
My current thoughts is just to not take life too seriously, this is a trap set by the locksteppers, I in my heart don’t want to take things too seriously hence my love for “political incorrectness”, adhering to dogma especially if it doesn’t make sense is an energy drain for me. I should stay in my niche where I can and try to expand where I can. I also need to accept that life is dangerous and that I am inevitably going to make mistakes. I also need to accept I am high in trait neuroticism and that yes, life is just going to hurt for me and I am going to be misunderstood constantly by other people. I need to keep hustling on literally anything that takes my mind of sentimentalism and suffering twice. I need to move on from negative experiences in my life, I should make short films to make light of these traumatic events. Every tragedy needs to be re-interpreted as comedy.
Life is suffering. I hope I can soon suffer just a little bit less.