Yesterday was a good start to October. Good progress on teh game, printed a new timetable to get everything done. Good stuff! I downloaded some new music and listened to it most of the day, possibly too much but it’s good to have some ambient music and calm music as opposed to just all the high energy stuff I usually have. I need relaxing music and non-hi-energy music.
I’m really craving work on Mr Rex right now, part of me wants to spend at least a few hours today working on Mr Rex. That being said today I should really just try and put as much time to 2+2=4 as I can. That is the project that needs doing.
This morning I got up a bit later than I’d hoped but it’s nearly 7 now and I have time to do shopping and be ready for today’s work. According to my schedule, I’ll be working 50-70 hours per week if I stick to it.
Last night I listened to some bad news stuff and oddly enough, It didn’t depress me. I have motivation and fight in me rather than flight response. This seems to be a hint that I have gained some confidence, I mustn’t get complacent though. I feel negativity trying to take back control over my mind, I must refocus on doing things.
I found myself this morning on my walk, fantasizing about giving powerful motivational speeches. I’m not much of an orator but perhaps I could become one with practice. I feel that would be a project for another day. Yesterday I was fantasizing about being an advice YouTube channel who kind of does the marketing thing of making content that people are searching for e.g. “Top 10 X” “Best Ways To X” “How to be X” etc. I’d love to do all these things but really I need to invest more time into my projects, narrow what I am doing to get it done. I can’t go too broad, at least for now. I’d probably be doing too many things at once if I were to take on all this additional work.
I’m also still suffering from depression, although I feel a lot better and I’m actually somewhat productive, I’m far from “normal”. I still have constant feelings and thoughts that push me down which I’m trying to correct by forgetting and not caring about X,Y,Z things and instead refocus on A,B and C. This is a habit that could make me extremely powerful. I need to see this through to the end because the alternative is the hell I’ve been through these past few years.