Rock Bottom, Sleep Deprivation and Stress – 4-5th October 2021
Well I was hoping this wouldn’t happen but I hit rock bottom emotionally again. I’m now very concerned as to whether I’m going to complete my projects on time. I can barely stick to my routine. It’s tough. My mental health has gotten worse and at no worse a time. I’m extremely stressed out by everything and past traumas are extremely stubborn to stamp out.
Yesterday I was extremely distracted, I could barely focus on anything. I’m trying not to listen to music to try and detox from stimulation. I was listening to music non-stop the days prior so I think it’s justified. I did manage to get a bit of work done on the game but I’m still falling way behind on what I need to be doing. I need to get out more and I’m again thinking about getting a laptop just so I can do some work far away from home. A change of environment, being able to travel and keep my work going was a huge advantage I had to having a laptop. I could visit my family and go places w friends while still having my projects at my finger tips. My only concern is money, I don’t have a lot of money at the moment and frankly I’m not in a position to spend it without getting tight and I don’t want to ask family for money.
A laptop would be the perfect excuse to visit the Library or a shop more often so I could be in a public place. I need to be okay with leaving Plum at home like I did when I was working. I feel like my bird is the only thing that keeps me happy and I feel guilty for not giving Plum loads of attention but to be honest Plum right next to me every day for hours so I need to realise Plum is spoilt as is and it’s okay to put myself first.
I overslept this morning, However I see it as a positive as I’m way more energized and I feel more focused this morning than previously. I think the alarm clock was not helping me to get good sleep. I’ll get up late but because I need sleep rather than forcing myself to be up at a time to stick to a routine. Again I need to relax a bit and do what I need to do to be fully rested. My alarm this morning went off but I didn’t awaken to it until over 1 hour later and my phone had died of battery 0ing or whatever. I’ll need to charge it.
Alright, that’s all! I need to baby step it this week but make good progress either way. I will focus on the game, today I’m going to write a plan to get it done! I’m going to forget about 2+2=4 for now. I need to complete this game!